Many players believe that they can “control” the slot machine by fiddling with various controls. Slots offer very few opportunities for this. Most feature a slot to accept money or a casino “ticket”, another slot where a payout ticket is dispensed, buttons corresponding to the size of the bet you want to make, and a button to start the action. There may also be a “Max Bet” button that automatically bets the most the machine will accept.  So how do you make sure you will win?

That’s the fun part. A common and very strange move is Cleaning Your Money. This is done by requesting a pay out, then taking the casino receipt and shaking it in the air a few times to shake out the bad luck, then placing back into the currency slot. I have seen some people do this after nearly every spin. I guess this action provides the illusion of control of the outcome. Another common behavior is “button dancing”. People who do this will press a betting amount button, then press the spin button, followed by rapid pressing of all the other button in some kind of private sequence. Apparently the machine is supposed to respond to this. They don’t.

“Windshield wipers” are another breed of slot players. These people believe that wiping the video screen with their hands will draw out the winning combinations. They perform this ritual on every spin. A varient of this behavior is the “screen dotter”. Screen dotters use the tips of their fingers to tap the screen, apparently drawing winning symbols to those spots. Another common behavior is to “fool the machine into thinking you are someone else”.

Players will insert their players club card (a card that records your slot play and then provides rewards like free food or even money), insert money and play. If things aren’t going well, they will cash out, like the ticket wavers, remove their club card, the wait. Some will wait as long as five minutes. Then when they are convinced that the machine has forgotten them, they will reinsert their card, put money into the currency slot, and play again.

Another class of behaviors occur when a player earns free spins. Most video slots have symbol combinations that trigger bonus play, usually some free spins with better payouts. When one of these is earned, our players really get into action! By my count the most popular reaction to a bonus round is the “I am not here” move. The player moves back from the machine and folds his or her arms and pretends not to watch the screen. No matter how much they earn on each bonus spin, they sit stoically pretending to be someplace else.

I have no idea where this originated, but more than half of the players perform this ritual. Another, my particular favorite, is “frantic screen helping”. This activity consists of a combination of tapping and wiping the screen very rapidly during the bonus play. Casinos must spend a fortune cleaning off the screens.

Obviously, all of this activity is based on the idea that somehow luck can be controlled. These people appear to believe that exotic interaction with the slot machine can actually change the outcome. This isn’t true. Here are the facts.

The machine doesn’t know me anymore
A great deal of the behaviors seem to be based on the idea that the machine changes the way it pays if a “new” player sits down. Thus by removing the player card and the cashing out, this triggers the new player behavior. This sort of behavior is truly pointless. A slot machine is a computer with multiple systems. The cash acceptance system and the club card reader do not interact in any way with the game itself. In fact, the game is unaware of the amount of the bet, the identity of the player, or how long that player has been at the machine.

Video slots consist of a random number generator that is constantly spitting out numbers at the rate of at least 10,000 new numbers a second. When a spin is triggers, the computer captures the next bunch of random numbers and uses them to create the display you see when the “reels” stop. The machine knows how much, if anything, you have won before your finger leaves the button. 

Screen rubbing and tapping seems to be based on the belief that the touch-sensitive screen is always recording your actions, and if you get things just right you will change the outcome of the game. It’s true that many machines interact with you via the screen, but once you trigger a spin, that interaction is done. You can bang, wave, tap, wash, or kiss the screen with no effect on the outcome.

I think that on some level even the most superstitious player knows this. How stupid would it be to build a slot machine that you could manipulate? Give the manufacturers some credit! On a deep emotional level many people can’t accept that they are betting money on a pure chance event. An event that is rigged to take your money.  Slot machine odds are controlled by the manufacturer. Casino operators order the machines with a specific payout percentage. Most indian casinos are fairly aggressive with how much of your money they keep. Many are set to return only 80% of the money bet. Most Vegas casinos pay out over 90%.

What this means is that over time (years), the machines will return the amount they are set for to the players. Over short periods of time the machines can take 100% of your money or pay you a fortune. The longer you play, the more likely the net outcome of your play will hit the payout percentage of the machine. It’s that simple.

Slot payout odds are only one way player loyalty is affected. Machines with high payout rates are more fun because you win more often. But that is far from the whole story. Modern machines are built using solid psychological principles to guide how the games actually work. Some are designed to have long periods of loss followed by bonus rounds that pay large amounts. Others are set to pay something (often less than you bet) on nearly every spin. Spend an hour playing a machine and you will see the play pattern selected. The most successful machines combine fun bonsu rounds with interesting play. Make no mistake, regardless of how the machine appears to pay, over time you will end up losing – maybe not all of your money but some. Enough to keep the casino profitable, but not so much to send you home unhappy.

My feelings weren’t hurt by this rejection. The invitation was more of an effort to create a network than to learn the scary details of my daughter’s life. I also invited my wife. Thankfully she accepted. I am not sure what the implications of her refusing me would be. Within hours I received an email asking me if I want my wife to be my “spouse” on Facebook. I have a choice? Is Facebook an alternate universe where I can be a carefree and single? Nah. But it was funny to be asked. Like a good boy I immediately admitted to Facebook that we are, in fact, married.

Next thing, my “wall” (homepage?) there had bunches of pictures of my wife, me, our pets, kids, etc. I assume she put them there. Was she sending a n0t-so-subtle message to potential Facebook husand stalkers that my life is full and they should just move on? It is nice to see something there when I log in.

Naturally I navigated to her page. She has lots of friends. Most of them appear to be from Target where she works. A couple are barely out of high school. Interesting. I suppose you are probably rolling your eyes and wonder where I have been all these years. I have been rigth here, connected via electronic media to my world. It just never occured to me that a semi-public version of myself was something I would want. All this time I have worried that too much of me was discoverable. Every intimate detail of my life is stored in at least one database. Maybe Facebook and similar web sites are a way to fight back. Yes, you can uncover my credit rating, my health details, income, preferences in everything from books to bedroom accessories. Ican’t control that information. Ah hah! On Facebook I can.

What I am really saying is that without my cooperation most of things I would like to consider “private” are potentially available to anyone with the contacts or money to get the data. If I am forced to “live” inside all those databases, shouldn’t there be one where I reveal what I want to show? Apparently, I can also (like my daughter) decide who I want to keep ignorant of my online persona.

Social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter allow anyone to have a personal broadcast station where they can inform a (presumably) interested audience of every detail of their lives. What are you doing now? Do I care? Not so much. Let’s see if I have this right.

Social networking sites exist to permit people to keep groups of other people informed of every event of interest (to the author) in their lives. This level of engagement should promote mutual understanding and a feeling of belonging. None of the information posted is verified (except that my spouse is really my spouse…or at least I am willing to share the fantasy with someone who wants to say she is my wife). So, at my option, I can becme Walter Mitty (remember that short story?) and live out my fantasies with my “network”. Or, I can objectively report on every excruciating detail of my day-to-day life. Interesting.

Ok, I will say it. You are thinking that this blog is no different. It is my private soap box to talk about anything I want. It can be my online  journal, news magazine, or anything in between. True in one sense, but not true in a very significant way. I don’t know who, if anyone, reads these words. I am metaphorically posting my musings on a telephone pole in cyberspace. You can stop and read them or just pass by.  Another big difference is that what I write here is the result of some thought. It isn’t just “what are you doing now”. It’s structured and represents something I would like to share with you. And you don’t have to respond or let me know you ever read it. Kind of like standing naked in a hotel window. Maybe someone saw you, but you won’t ever know who.

I am not very happy so far with my forey into social media. I don’t know how social it really is. Once I agree to be your “friend”, am I expected to read every inane comment on your page? Am I now obligated to record for your entertainment ever detail of mine? Holy crap! Some people have hundreds, maybe thousands of “friend”. What does that mean? Are they so busy involving themselves with their “friends” that they stop having real lives? Stay tuned…or become my “friend”.

I discovered a few things that day. The most surprising is that I really have fun playing slot machines. My prior experience was that mostly playing a slot is a dull, repetitive activity with little of interest. However, the new video slots were actually fun! You get little shows, bonus rounds, all sorts of activity that captured my interest. So, I found a new hobby of sorts.

The first thing I did after that fun weekend was to see what I could find on the web. There is a lot of slot machine advice out there. Most of it is really stupid. I did manage to learn how slots work and what, if anything, you can do to improve the outcome.  Of course, I tested these theories by observation and actual play. First here is what I will discuss:

• Slot machine location in the casino
• Payout percentages
• “Loose” and “Tight” slots
• Best bet for winning (0r at least not losing much)

Location in the Casino and tight and loose slots
Virtually every article says that slot machines near the entrances and gaming tables are tight (don’t pay often) and machines near the snack bar, rest rooms, and cashiers are loose (pay frequently). The theory is that if people eating (in the case of the snack bar) see winning going on, they will rush their meal to get back to win money. The same is true of rest rooms and cashiers, though in those cases the theory is that a player who may have decided to leave will stay to join in on the winning.

There may be some truth to this. Casinos do move machines around all the time. However, the ability to have tight or loose machines is debatable. All modern slot machines work the same way. There is an internal computer that contains something known as a random number generator (RNG). This RNG spits out numbers at the rate of thousands per second. When you push the button (pull the handle), the slot’s computer takes the next several numbers (one number for each reel) and uses them to determine what you will see and win. The final outcome of the spin is known within a fraction of a second after you start the play. All the rolling around of reels and other stuff is just showbiz. The actual pay or no pay is calculated in that split second.

Knowing that, it’s hard to understand how some slots are tight or loose. Now just because random numbers determine the outcome of any spin, doesn’t mean the casino is gambling. It’s not. Let’s take a quick look inside the machine’s brain. Each reel has a certain number of symbols (cards, animals, whatever). Let’s say in one game there are 10 symbols. One symbol if it comes up across all the reels will pay the jackpot. The number of symbols is not the number of choices available to the computer. While you see ten symbols, the program has 64 “slots”…the random number is going to end up between 1 and 64. The program assigns slots to each symbol. So, probably only one slot is assigned to the jackpot on each reel. Other symbols will have more than one slot assigned to them. You can calculate the machine’s payout over time by knowing how these slots are assigned. If one of 64 slots is assigned to the jackpot on each reel, and the machine has 3 reels, the probability you will win that jackpot is 1 in 64 x 64 x 64 or 1 in 262,144. So you can see that the probability any combination will show can be calculated.

The slot machine maker can program any payout rate the casino wants. In most states there is a legal minimum, usually around 75% (the machine pays $75 out of every hundred taken in). In practice, most casinos buy there machnes with at least 90% payout. If they don’t pay high percentages, people will go to another casino. One myth is that in the “control room” of the casino, slot payout rates can be changed at any time. That’s not true, it’s illegal, and in fact a new chip from the manufacturer would need to be installed in the machine to change the payout rate.

As any slot player knows, some machines do seem to pay more often than others. Well, random determined actions can certainly clump (ten jackpots in a row), who knows. The fact is that the chance of a jackpot is the same on every spin, regardless of when the last payout was made.

Chances are good (though no one will admit it) that machines in a casino will have different payout rates, thus creating loose or tight slots. I think the machines near the snack bar do pay better. But what do I know?

Payout Percentages
As I mentioned before, the overall payout for a machine is mathematically determined by how the slots are assigned for each reel. That means over time (years sometimes), a machine will pay back the assigned percentage to the player and the casino gets the rest.

This has no effect on what will happen when you play. But there is a strategy buried in this data for the player. We know that over a long period of time (lots of bets), we will lose at the rate determined by the slot payout. So if the slot pays 90%, over time we should lose 10% of our money. Over a shorter period of time we could lose everything or win a fortune. That’s what makes playing random-determined games fun.

Knowing this, you can reduce the chances of losing it all by planning your bets. To do this, you have to be careful about which machines you choose. The minimum size of your bet should be determined by what you can afford and how the slot pays. Slot wins are calculated using two variables: pay lines and mulitpliers.

The pay line is the position of symbols on a reel that will win you money. In the simplest case, the pay line is a straight line drawn horizontally across all the reels. The payout is based on which (and how many) of a symbol appear in that line. Most modern machines have many pay lines that zig zag across the reels. Usually you “buy” the paylines. On a penny machine, a one-cent bet buys the center pay line, additional money buys more pay lines. Always buy all of the pay lines. You will regret it if you don’t. So if you need to bet 50-cents on a penny machine to get all the pay lines, that is the minimum you should bet. If you can’t afford that, find a different machine with a better deal.

Multipliers reward you for increasing your bet. If a machine has 15 pay lines (penny machine) then the minimum bet to cover all of those lines is 15 cents. On many machines, larger bets will multiply your winnings by some factor. If you want to bet more than the minimum, look for machines with fair multipliers. In this example, a 50-cent bet would probably have a 4x or 5x multiplier.  On other machines, particularly progressive jackpot machines, you must bet the maximum to be eligible for the big wins. On machines of that type, if you can’t afford the maximum bet, walk away.

How do you determine what you need as a bankroll? First, what you can afford to lose. You should always assume you will lose all the money you gamble. If you end up winning, or not losing it all, good for you! If all you can afford is $40 and you play a machine that requires a dollar bet to cover all the lines, you have 40 spins to get a payoff. Most modern machines pay off at least 50% of the time, but the payoffs are usually less than your bet. So it slows down cleaning you out, but in the end you will drop it all into the machine.

If, on the other hand, you have enough money for say, 200 spins, you improve the chance that some of those spins will be for more than you bet, possibly considerably more. If you could afford thousands of spins, and have the patience to sit long enough to play them, the odds are pretty good you will lose that 10% (on a 90%) machine that is the casino’s share. That’s why it is called gambling.

So, as far as I can tell the best slots strategy is:

1. Determine how much you can afford to lose. That is your bankroll
2. Pick machines that allow you to bet the maximum or at least cover all lines at a cost that will let you execute at least 200 spins.
3. If you believe the common wisdom, pick machines away from table games and entrances and near snack bars, cashiers, and bathrooms.
4. Pick machines that are fun to play, that may not offer giant jackposts (which you probably won’t win anyway). Pick the ones with extra features, free spins, exciting sounds and music. Remember you are buying entertainment, not trying to beat the casino.
5. Quit when you have lost your bankroll or get tired of playing. Note, I am not saying to quit while you have any amount of winnings. You aren’t going to the casino to win, but to have fun. Let the fun level drive your decision to stay or leave.

I am very sure of the math. I am not so sure about where machines are located mattering. I do know that I really like playing slots. The ones I play make me laugh and provide me with suspense and entertainment. If you aren’t having fun, go home!

Ok, we have either established that I have finally admitted to mental illness or I have articulated a personal truth. I choose the later. I can’t afford the therapy that he former would dictate. Is this to be a forum for my subconscious ramblings? Is a higher purpose shining through? I don’t think so. What you are reading, dear friend, is my account of how I am moving through the last third of my life. I have reached that peculiar point in life where I can clearly see my past and have some view of the end of my road. If I want to realize dreams and have a lot of fun, I better get going. I best move as fast as I can.

That’s why I bought my new car. In an earlier post I reviewed my new 2010 Prius. Yes, it’s a totally cool car. But my 2006 Prius was too; at least till it tried to kill me (yet another post). The other, probably more important reason, is that this car could be my last. It may have to be my dream car; the one from the Jetsons or Disney’s Tomorrowland.

When I was a litle kid back in the 50’s, I would wake up at the crack of dawn. We had a DuMont TV. The only programming on at that hour were documentaries like “The Modern Farmer” or “Industry in Action”. I loved those shows. I learned how crops were grown and steel forged. I became a tiny technology junkie.

I remember that I was very excited at the idea of color TV. Yes, that’s right, it was all black-and-white in those days. I was convinced that one morning I would wake up and all my shows would be in full color. One morning, I thought the banana in a commercial was yellow. I ran to my parents’ bedroom and dragged them to the TV. Alas, the 12-inch screen was still black-and-white.

Other shows would talk of the future: color TV’s, Television sets you could hang on the wall like a picture with giant screens (yes, I was obscessed with TV), cars that would drive themselves, and all sorts of other future tech. I  even envisioned technology that wouldn’t arrive for decades. I remember playing with a ball-point pen. I pretended it was a two-way radio. Instead of tubes, the circuits would be printed on the ink cartridge. I think I was 10 at the time. That sounds a lot like integrated circuits. My rationalization for this leap was that it was the only way I could imagine I could afford such a device; it had to be cheaply produced so that buying it fit into my 50-cent-a-week allowance. I remember that vision vividly. It was so unlikely that such a thought would pop into a 10-year-old kid’s head. Did I see the future?

You can imagine how I felt when the first plasma TV’s went on sale. My little kid dream was right there in front of me. It took me a few years to afford a $2,500 TV set. But when I did, I took it home, hung it on the wall in the bedroom, hopped onto my bed and became the little kid seeing his dream come true. That may be what kicked my subconscious into telling me it was time to make the connections. 

We all travel through time. At some point, I realized that the journey isn’t a smooth path from birth to death. The road bends with irony; rises and falls with success and failure. Time moves, but not at a steady speed. A day is a lot shorter now than it was when I was ten. If I want to catch up. I really do need to move as fast as I can.

The 2010 Toyota Prius proves that the hybrid has come of age.

I have been driving my new 2010 Prius for a week now. It is a very different experience from my 2006. The Toyota Prius is the darling of the environmental set, the toy of preference (after the iPhone) of the technophiles, and the most unique automobile in the world. The 2010 Prius represents the third generation of this car.

Toyota reports that over 100 engineers have been working since 2004 (the second generation release) on redesigning the hybrid. The Prius is a gas-electric hybrid car. That means computers inside the car seamlessly change between electric, gas, gas and electric, and battery charging. The result of all this activity is that gas mileage is vastly improved. The 2010 has an EPA rating of 50 mpg overall (51 city and 48 highway).

It takes more than fancy electronics to get that kind of mileage. The quirky look of the Prius is largely the result of improving the car’s aerodynamics. The 2010 Prius is the most aerodynamic production car in the world. This is expressed as the coeficient of friction; how much force the wind puts on the car. Engine power has to overcome this air resistance. A typical (like the Camry) sedan has a rating of 0.28. SUV’s can get to .030 or more. The generation two Prius had 0.26, and the 2010 0.25. Small numbers that add up to higher gas costs, particularly at highway speeds.

The Prius costs more than traditional sedans. The average price is $3000 to $4000 more than a similarly equipped conventional car. Depending on the price of gas, this premium can be paid back in gas savings in between three and ten years. The average driver (15,000 miles a year) will get back the extra cost in about 6 years with $2.00 gas. with gas prices in the $4.00 range, the payback period drops to two-to-three years. This isn’t just about price. The Prius is rated as a Partial Zero Emission vehicle. That means it contributes very little polution. The Prius tail pipe puts out only 20% of the emissions of conventional cars.

The real difference between Prius Models
The 2010 comes in four configurations (II, III, IV, and V – a I is expected out fall 2009. Models II to IV are identical in terms of powertrain and suspension. The increasingly expensive models add comfort and convenience features. The model V is different from its sisters. Toyota is careful in its literature to avoid highlighting just how different the model V is. If you go by the promotional literature, the big change for the Model V is 17-inch wheels and LED headlights. If you read the comparison charts on the website, that’s pretty much it. However, there are some comparison items missing.

The “standard” Prius has 15-inch tires. The V has 17-inc 215/45 tires. That’s right 45! Those are low profile tires more often seen on a Lexus. That’s not all The V has a steering ration of 14.6 to 1. This compares with the slow 17.6 to 1 ratio on the other models. This translates to much quicker steering; 2.8 turns lock-to-lock (compared with the 3.7 turns lock-to-lock on the other models). In addition the suspension has been beefed up.

One of my biggest complaints with the second generation Prius was the aggressive stability control. It kicked in at time when I knew I had control of the car. The 2010 models II – IV still suffer from this. However the model V is almost sporty to drive. The bigger wheels and fatter tires combined with tight steering and a firm suspension provide a great driving experience. That’s something I never thought I would say about a Prius. It doesn’t hurt that the new third generation cars (all models) have a larger gas engine and more battery power. They also get better mileage than the second generation. Way to go Toyota! This extra power translates to a fast (9.8 second) 0 to 60; well faster than the old one anyway, and a much more responsive accelrator. Speaking of that the new cars have three driving modes: EV, Econ, and Power. The EV mode tries to let the vehicle run on battery alone without starting the engine. Under the best conditions, this can be done for a mile or less. The hybrid computer will turn on the gas engine if it wants to, even in this mode. The Econ mode modulates the response to pressure on the accelerator (translates to sluggish) and delivers the best mpg’s. The Power mode makes the car more responsive to the accelerator. Mileage will go down, but wow!

The extras
Option packages are very limited. Some models (III and IV) can get a power sunroof that includes solar panels to drive a fan to keep the car cool while parked, plus a remote AC start. This package is not available in the model V due to the extra weight and, according to Toyota, “other engineering considerations.”

Models III, IV, and V can add navigation. The 201 navi is much better than the Gen 2. The display is brighter and the graphics are redesigned for easier reading. The setup and other controls have been simplified and made more intuitive. You don’t have to read the 300-page navi manual to use the feature.

Model IV can also get leather seats. Model V has leather standard. It also has cool LED headlights that use 40% of the energy of other kinds. They also look great. The model V has an available Advanced Technology package (about $4,500). This package takes the car to a whole new level. The package includes Navi, of course. It also has adaptive cruise control. There is radar in the nose (behind the oversized Toyota logo) that constantly monitors the distance between your car and the one in front of you. When you use the adaptive cruise control, the Prius maintains a constant following distance. Unlike standard cruise control, the adaptive type uses both accelerator and brakes to manage its tricks. It is amazing to experience.

Another AT feature is Lane Keep Assist (LKA). This feature uses a camera situated above the rear view mirror to “read” the road ahead. If the lanes are marked, LKA will beep and give a gentle “tug” to the steering wheel if you wander too close to the lines. With adaptive cruise control on, LKA will actually steer for you and keep you in your lane; even around turns. However, this “autopilot” will not let you take your hands off the wheel. If it doesn’t sense you “helping” it steer, it will go back to beep and nudge mode. I haven’t yet mastered just the right touch to make this work all the time.

The same radar used for adaptive cruise control is also part of the precollision system. When the car senses that a front end collision is inevitable, it uses the brakes to minimize damage. It also tightens the seatbelts and moves the headrests forward to better protect front seat occupants.

The last major feature in this package is the Parking Assist. This is the same spooky system that automatically parallel parks your car. It also will back you into a parking lot spot too. This is not an easy or intuative feature to use. First you turn it on when you are nearing a parking spot (you have to press the button once for parallel and twice for head-out parking). The display tells you to move forward very slowly (less than 6mph) and stop when it beeps. When you stop it tells you to shift into reverse. Then the screen shows you a picture of the parking spot with a green box in the position your car will end up. This green box has to be moved (using your fingers on the screen) to correctly set up the parking space. There is a learning curve for this. Plan to spend some time practicing somewhere no one wants to pass you. I still haven’t perfected my technique.

The display and controls
The generation 3 Prius moves the cool hybrid readouts from the screen between the driver and passenger to the display just under the windshield. This display is considerably more complex and offers more options. The high-tech crowd loves this display.  There are two cool multi-function controls on the steering wheel that allow control of cabin temperature, audio, and hybrid display. There are also buttons for voice control, telephone (bluetooth), and the adaptive cruise control and lane keep assist. The model V cockpit looks more like a 747 than a car. It turns out a lot easier to use than it looks.

Complaints
The Model V sound system is a small improvement over the Gen 2 JBL system. Compared to other JBL/Toyota sound systems, this one is pretty weak. The airconditioning readout (cabin temperature settings and outside temperature) is difficult to read. Since I leave the cabin AC set to “Auto”, I don’t worry too much about this. I do like to know the outside temperature, and I can’t read that unless I stop the car and really struggle to read the LCD display.

Summary
The 2010 Model V Prius is now more than a fuel saving ride. It is now a fun car to drive with advanced features that almost make it feel like the car of the future.  It’s expensive, but worth the cost. The Prius is reliable, gets great mileage, and is fun to drive. I am really happy I bought this car.

One of Chuck Lorre's vanity cards

Have you ever noticed the very quick (1 1/2 seconds) at the end of a tv show there is a logo shown. In showbiz speak, that’s a vanity card. It’s called that because thats where the shows creator and executive producer gets to put his corporate logo. Chuck Lorre is a sitcom producer. A producer who also writes occasional episodes and who is available to help during filming if there are problems is called a “show runner”. A more technical description is that the show runner is a combination writer and producer.

Chuck Lorre has been producing sitcoms for years. Dharma and Greg was one of his creations. For reasons unknown to anyone but Mr. Lorre, he decided to fill his second-and-a-half of fame at the end of each show with an original, and sometimes very funny essay. DVR’s weren’t available in the Dharma and Gregg days, so if you wanted to read these essays, you had to tape the show and then “pause” when the vanity card appeared. The type was small and the image jittered. Nonetheless, Mr. Lorre convinced himself that people were reading.

As technology improved, more and more people discovered these semi-literate gems. The content varies. Frequently they reveal struggles between Mr. Lorre and CBS censors. Occasionally, the censors refuse to let him run a vanity card. On those occasions, the card reads, “Censored”. People who know, go to his web site where the censored vanity card is available to read. This web site chucklorre.com is the repository of all of Lorre’s vanity cards.

It is even more interesting that Lorre’s concept hasn’t caught on. No other network show has made use of this valuable opportunity to communicate with its audience. Lorre has written more than 250 essays on topics ranging from Zen philosophy to rants against network censors. Ironically, the network censors read his vanity cards and on occasion, have suppressed them as well. Granted, this isn’t a major trend and whether or not you read these often amusing essays won’t change your life. But consider, Chuck Lorre has created a new, underground art form. That deserves recognition.

A 2006 Toyota Prius similar to mine that has unintended acceleration problems

(Updated 5/24/2009) I love my Prius. I have owned it nearly three years and over 30,000 miles.  It was a sunny Friday afternoon. I was on my way home from work. It’s a seven mile drive I do twice every day. I was stopped at a light. When the light turned green, I gently eased the brake pedal up. Immediately the Internal Combustion Engine rev’d and the car started surging forward. I jammed my foot back down on the brake. The engine stopped screaming. Again, I gently reduced pressure on the pedal  with the same frightening result. Next, I checked the floor to make sure that my heavy rubber floor mat wasn’t touching the gas pedal. The mat was safely under all the pedals. I tried shifting to neutral. No dice. Now , starting to get desperate, I turned the cruise control on and off. That stopped the crisis,

This wasn’t the first time I experienced this problem. On several occasions while stopped at a flow control traffic light on the interstate ramp, when I removed my foot from the gas, the car surged forward. Since I was in the clear and needed to accelerate, I didn’t give it much thought. Once I got my foot on the gas and pressed down and eased off, the problem disappeared. I admit that the behavior was so strange I convinced myself I was imagining things. Now, after the traffic light incident, I realize I wasn’t dreaming.

The rest of the drive home was uneventful. I remember reading that a year or two ago a Prius had driven through the front window of a store. The driver claimed that the Prius just accelerated on its own. I figured the driver just hit the gas instead of the brake. I did a web search on Prius unintended acceleration and found some news articles about similar incidents. Toyota denied there was a problem with the hybrid and intiated a recall of the floor mats, alledging the problem was a front floor mat that slipped and covered the gas pedal. When I called my local dealer, the service manager expressed concern and admitted that this was the first case reported to his dealership. Some of the accounts on the web say the problem is due to a defective cruise control.

How can this happen to any car?
The Prius is the first car that has true drive-by-wire; the gas pedal is not mechanically connected to any part of the car. It is just a potenteometer, like the volume control on a radio. A computer reads the pressure on the pedal and then tells the electric motor, gas engine, or both to move the car. If there is a problem, the computer can accelerate the car without the gas pedal being depressed. In the past, other cars (remember the Audi?) have had runaway acceleration. These problems were mostly due to mechanical linkages being stuck which resulted in the unwanted acceleration. In a Prius, the human driver doesn’t have to participate at all. The onboard computer, like HAL in 2001, can take over on its own.

Does this mean that cars that are computer-controlled are inherently dangerous? Absolutely not. Every commercial airliner is fly-by-wire. Computers, not muscle operates the controls that fly the plane. The Prius is a joy to drive. It has so many innovations contribute to one of the best driving experiences I have ever enjoyed. I consistently get between 40 and 55 miles per gallon (my consumption drops a bit under 40 mpg when it is cold out and the gas engine has to run to warm the car). I love to drive it and have no plans to get rid of the car.

Your driving technique can be life or death
The reason my runaway acceleration incident didn’t result in a life-threatening accident is due to how I learned to drive. Many people are in the habit of just takng their foot off the gas pedal and moving it to the accelerator. I don’t do that. I gently reduce pressure on the brake allowing the car to start rolling. Then I remove my foot from the brake and move it to the gas. Had I just taken my foot off the brake, as many do, my car would have careened down the road, slamming into another car or a pedestrian. I’m lucky that my driver training so many years ago got me into the habit of slowly releasing the brake.

Friday’s incident disproves Toyota’s theory that floor mats cause the problem. When I go to the dealer tomorrow, I am hoping that this problem can be corrected. It would be unsafe to drive a car that could run away like that. Therein lies my problem. The Prius is not Corvair. It’s a superbly built machine that exceeds every expectation I had for a hybrid. Like a 747 or an Airbus, the Prius is a complex, computer-controlled machine. Hundreds of thousands of them are on the road. My Prius has served me well for three years. But there is a problem.

The problem isn’t that Toyota makes unsafe cars. It’s that Toyota isn’t believing its customers. I am a customer who is an engineer, checked all the right things, and verified that this problem is real and dangerous. Stay tuned for how my adventure comes out.

Update (May 4, 2009)

I took the car to the dealer. It was unable to find any problem. This is the same as other people’s experiences with this issue. Now I have to decide what to do next. Probably I will continue to drive the car and hope for the best.

Update (May 22, 2009)
I called the Toyota Experience line. This is the corporate customer service number. I told them about my problem. They told me that unless the dealer can reproduce it, there is nothing they could do. I asked if they had similar reports from others. The rep acknowledged he had, but said that Toyota determined it was “driver error.”

I also contacted the state attorney general’s office. It fowarded the complaint to the “auto dealer” complaint office. Clearly they don’t understand the issue. This isn’t unlike the problem with the Chevrolet Corvair. Until Ralph Nader wrote his landmark book, Unsafe at Any Speed, that exposed General Motors coverup of the Corvair’s gas tank, people died. General Motors had determined that it would cost less to pay death benefits than fix all the defective Corvairs. I have always believed that Toyota was the most honorable of car companies. That belief is badly shaken by the way they are turning a blind eye on this life-threatening problem with the Prius.

Over 25 years ago, Windows emerged as a shell that sat on top of the DOS operating system. This is very similar to the current Apple Macintosh OS that is a user interface on top of the freeBSD Unix operating system. There’s nothing inherently wrong with this concept. In fact, Microsoft pioneered it. As Windows evolved, it followed two paths: the consuemr version, like Windows 98; and the server version, Windows NT. While both looked alike on the surface, they were very different. NT was designed as a very solid operating system that resembled Digital’s mini computer OS VMS. It should. It’s architect was hired away from Digital.

Windows NT was designed as a powerful kernal (the heart of the OS that interacts direectly with the hardware), surrouned by various services that performed work. The user interface was one of those services. Like VMS, Windows NT could perform true multitasking. The consumer version remained a single threaded OS that continued to evolve on top of DOS.

Why does this all matter? Without getting too technical, it matters because Windows was evolving, not remaining the same operating system over all those years. Microsoft planned to merge the desktop OS with the more advanced server technology with the release of Windows XP. It didn’t quite do it, but made a lot of progress. The old bit-mapped DOS file system was replaced with the much more robust NT file system. File names could be longer. File extensions could be more than three characters. The interface with the outside world was made stronger and safer. That’s why there was so much pain getting printers and other peripherals to work with XP when it came out.

Few of us remember the months of pain wating for drivers to make our printers work on Windows XP. Meanwhile PC’s were getting cheaper and more people were buying them. People with no technical or programming skills were buying PC’s to perform word processing, send and receive email, and surf the web. The PC was becoming an appliance. The new PC consumer was not interested in installing operating systems or performing other computer maintenance tasks. By 2008, more than 90% of Microsoft Windows sales was to PC manufacturers. The operating system became part of the purchase.

This was good news for consumers. If you bought your PC with the extras you wanted (video cards, sound, TV, etc.), you were assured that all would work well with Windows. Meanwhile, Microsoft was perfecting its Windows Update service to make updating the operating system and getting new device drivers automatic and pain-free. Windows was evolving.

Along came Vista
When Microsoft announced Vista,  it touted it as a new direction in operating systems. To consumers, it didn’t seem all that new and came with a host of problems that threatened to sink Microsoft’s operating system business. Vista was years late. It didn’t include all of the features the Windows team promised. Printers and other peripherals failed to work with it. Apple started it’s successful commercials poking fun at Vista’s shortcomings. Microsoft started losing market share to Apple.

Vista was a new operating system. The changes from XP were large and widespread. Security was beefed up, new features were added. Vista finished the transition to the NT kernal. The reason so many legacy printers, scanners, tuners, and other things failed to work was that Vista created a new way for peripherals to interact with the OS. Many of the hardware companies were reluctant to make the investment in writing drivers to support older hardware. There was no profit in that for them. Microsoft took the blame for that.

Windows 7
In the next few months, Windows 7 will be released. Unlike Vista, Win 7 is not a new OS. It uses all of the Vista infrastructure and adds some new functionality. Also unlike Vista, the new OS was feature complete with its RC (Release Candidate) version. This allows selected testers months to make sure everything works. It also has some nice user interface improvements that will please consumers of all technical capabilities. Microsoft is now moving on a smooth, evolutionary path.

The central point that the columnists always seem to miss is why anyone would want to upgrade. If the assumption is that most of us only get the new version when we buy a new PC, perhaps that point is irrelevant. Maybe only PC makers should care about changes in the operating system, since the  OS can make or break a hardware company. TV tuner makers learned this when Vista Ultimate and Home Premium (the two Vista versions taht include Media Center) didn’t have the Media Center on the start menu. Consumers stopped looking for it. Retailers stopped ordering PC’s with TV tuners installed since customers didn’t seem to want tuners. Out of sight, out of mind.

That brings us to the central point about Windows and other operating systems. It really doesn’t do much good to keep adding features if people don’t know they exist or have any interest in using them. How many of us have changed how we use our PC’s because of a new Vista feature? Not many I would guess. This is because the PC has become an appliance. Would you buy a new toaster because it had a setting for warming donuts? Not likely. I, for one, don’t eat warmed donuts. Even if I did, I wouldn’t waste the time or money seeking out a toaster that could do that. Do you know that Vista lets you type a program name in the search box and the program will start? Do you care? Would you use it? Not me. Did you know you could edit photos with Vista? I didn’t until I saw that 4-and-a-half-year-old do it in the commercial. Too late. I have Photoshop.

The point is that there is little reason to care what version of Windows you have unless the new version has some features you can really use. Most of us don’t change the way we use our PC’s from year to year. This could change. Maybe Microsoft or someone else will come up with that “killer app” that only runs on the latest version OS. That could motivate a lot of new PC sales. In the meantime, the vast majority of PC users just want to be able to do what they have always done with the least fuss and hassle they can.

Hasn’t anyone noticed that the federal government is taking over industries? Once more the Bush administration is taking advantage of pubic panic to do the unthinkable.

Treasury Secretary Henry Fowler

This isn’t the first time the administration used public panic to cover questionable decisions. In the wake of the 9/11 terror attack, Bush used the resulting panic to start an ugly war that has cost thousands of American lives. He also created the office of Homeland Security which has compromised some of America’s most coveted personal freedoms; all under the cover of public dismay.

Now, as people lose their homes over bad mortgages, the Bush administration once more under the cover of this new financial panic is taking over companies. That’s right, the Bush administration is exchanging ownership of companies for badly needed loans.

The first victim of this government takeover is AIG, the world’s largest insurer. In exchange for an $80 Billion loan package the company had to give the government 80% of its stock. Who got hurt? People with 40iK’s, retirement funds, schools and other institutions as well as individual stockholders. AIG traded at $70/share before it got in trouble. On the brink of bankruptcy the stock fell to $2 a share. After the Federal bailout, the stock hovers at $2.00, never to go much higher. Why? The math is simple. Before the crash, AIG traded at $70. When the government forced AIG to give up an 80% interest, the stock instantly lost 80% of its value. So now your $70 share has an adjusted value of $14. The current price of $2 is a lot lower, but unless the market goes completely insane, it is unlikely that AIG will ever go over $14 a share.

Congress passed a $700 Billion bailout program. The intention was to buy back mortgage-based securities; the so-called “poison” securites, thereby defrosting the frozen financial markets. The Bush team doesn’t want to do that anymore. They want to “give” the money to banks in exchange for stock. That’s right, our conservative Republican administration, you know, the guys who tell us we need less government, is taking over banks.

That’s far from the end of this story. Treasury secretary Fowler is proposing that some of the $700 Billion be used to help out failing GM in exchange for…guess what? That’s right! Stock! Do we really want our government controlling the insurance and auto industries? Isn’t this exactly what the Soviets did a century ago? We know how well that worked out.

What’s most surprising is the lack of public outcry. The stock market losing nearly half its value, the business failures, home forclosures, layoffs, and gloomy forecasts have once more panicked the American people and made them willing to follow blindly the questionable leaderhip of the worst president in American history. By the way, every time the government takes over a company, the millions of people who have stock, lose virtually all of their investment. AIG traded at nearly $70 a share. After the federal bailout, the stock hovers at $2. Who lost the money? Mutual funds, retirement funds, millions of ordinary Americans who counted on that company’s continuing success to fund college educations, retirement, new homes, and financial security.

Once more we have been distracted. While we aren’t looking, the government is taking over private enterprise. What’s worst, our new president Obama has been silent on this subject. Could he be panicked too? Is this what we want? It may be too late to stop, but at least we should recognize the high price we are paying for the current federal bailout program.